Thursday Spark

I'm posting an email that I sent to Caca after our first weekend together:

"I sat down to write a little, and this just sort of wrote itself. This is just a recap of our last few days, or rather, of our first few days ....

Thursday spark at eric+erica's,
I am the Scott, you are the Kathleen (why haven't we met?)
Walking home though Shoe Park (which may need a sign)
A quiet moment on the stairs facing west (holding hands)

It's late but were both wide awake
Feeling the beauty of the moment, we continue with tea
Inside your space, awash in city light and ambient waves
We mirror each other's seated positions, opinions, and lives.

Friday, amid the sea of people at Sea of Dreams
I hoped to find you, but we were always
On opposite sides of the balcony.
(You've promised to wear your deliriously sexy outfit another time!)

Saturday, breakfast with champs, and recovery naps
Eenor made our ears bleed at the Independent, then
Petra conjured up kale, and we tested fears on the roof edge
It's visible now, the air between us charged with sparks.

Sunday connections, with Petra, with Julio.
After lunch, long luscious kisses and tender discovery touch
Till nightfall, hunger strikes and we pause for dinner with wine
Pass on the movie for more t-l-c and ooing cooing slumber.

Monday, wake snuggle coffee read
all before our Monday Morning Orgy
at Kate's Kitchen."

Negativity vs. You

What do you do about negativity amoung friends, coworkers and aquaintences? Do you beat 'em? or join 'em? What are your own experiences with feeling negative? What are your experiences with handling negavite people?

I've been paying attention to negativity within myself and others for awhile and I'd like to offer some advice in handling negativity:

1) Counter balance
This is a good first impluse, but ususally not effective for the seriously negative person.

2) Reflect
At an opportune moment, simply let the person know that you've been noticing a strong negative tendancy in their speaking and behavior. This may serve as a wake up call and be all that needs to be done.

3) Disengage
Don't entertain irrational negativity. If you have already tried the first two suggestions, then let the negative person know you won't support them in their negativity. And change topics or completely stop interacting for the moment.

4) Walk away
If the realtionship with the person is taking such an emotional toll on you, chances are it's not working anyway. "Some people derive a warped sense of pleasure from being negative. It's a form of S&M. They can be masochists all they want, but they can only be sadists if you let them."

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You might be wondering why I've offered this information? I'm working on making a change in my own negativity and I usually learn best by talking about things openly. Writing about it here seemed like it would be helpful to others as well as myself. Feel free to reply.

Negativity vs. Me

Sometimes I'm negative and cynical.

When I am negative, really negative, it's overwhelming. Like physically being in a different place, like being in a department store you hate, saying no, no, no. And if given enough time to think, I'll put anything through a meat grinder; shredded, in ruin and discarded. However, I'm not intentionally turning the world into mincemeat, so why do I do it?

After much observation over the last five years, I've noticed that my attitude plays tricks on me. I'll find an endless spectrum of things to blame my discontent on - none are "my fault" and most of which are untrue. But upon closer inspection, the source of my discontent (i.e.: my negativity) is within me. The times that I am most negative are when I don't focus on myself; my own needs, goals and aspirations. I switch into autopilot and become "tuned out" and only partly engaged. Meanwhile, I criticize myself, until there is nothing positive left. Then eventually, like a ravenous beast from Hell, I criticize everything around me; never satisfied and never fulfilled. To make matters worse, as a bystander I allow others to make decisions for me, and then in bait-and-switch trick, eventually I feel resentment toward those close to me. It's a nasty and embarrassing cycle, and it's completely unfair to everyone. All because I don't focus on me.

So why don't I focus on my own goals? The answer to that is easy: it's the worst four-letter word in the book: fear. Fear is the the root of my negativity. What fear you ask? Fear of anything and everything. Fear of failing, fear of failing in public!, fear of ridicule, setback, discomfort, pain, work, loneliness, boredom, losing... even fear of winning.

(Ah, but I know... The truth is, we do what we do because we choose to do it. If I am in a rut and miserable, I must choose something else. Life offers unlimited experiences. For anything new I will experience fear and uncertainty, but to keep in mind that the rewards are worth it. A mentor once said, "Try. Fail. Try again. Fail better.")

So are all negative and cynical people just really scared people?
I'm working on making a change in my own negativity and I usually learn best by talking about things openly. Writing about it here seemed like it would be helpful to others as well as myself. Feel free to reply.

Maybe you have known someone who is occasionally or always negative. How do you handle negative people in your life?